Toxic positivity may seem like a conundrum, especially in a world that constantly glorifies the fabulous moments in life and encourages us to always “look on the bright side,” it’s easy to believe that positivity is always the answer. But what happens when positivity becomes toxic? When we are expected to suppress our genuine emotions for the sake of maintaining a “good vibe,” we aren’t actually healing—we’re harming ourselves and our relationships.
Recently, I experienced a situation where someone dismissed my genuine emotions, making me feel invalidated and even gaslighted. Instead of offering support, they implied that I was being too negative, as if acknowledging my feelings was a personal flaw. This is toxic positivity in action, and it can seriously damage friendships, romantic relationships, and even our self-worth.
What Is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how difficult or painful a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset and suppress negative emotions. It manifests in phrases like:
- “I am optimistic, I don’t consider negative thoughts.”
- “Be more positive.”
- “It could be worse.”
- “Other people have it harder than you.”
- “Everything happens for a reason.”
- “You’ll get over it soon.”
While optimism is valuable, forced positivity ignores the complexity of human emotions. It tells people that their struggles aren’t valid and that feeling anything other than happiness is wrong.
Another subtle but harmful aspect of toxic positivity is labeling someone as pessimistic or negative just because they express a difficult emotion. If you’ve ever been told, “You’re being so negative” when you were simply being honest about a tough situation, you’ve experienced this firsthand. It creates shame around having natural emotions and pressures people into pretending everything is fine when it’s not.
Why Toxic Positivity Hurts Relationships
When someone dismisses your emotions with toxic positivity, it can feel like they are saying, “I don’t want to deal with your feelings.” This can create emotional distance, break trust, and prevent deeper connections. Here’s how it negatively impacts relationships:
1. it Invalidates Real Feelings
Feeling sad, angry, or frustrated is part of the human experience. When a friend or partner responds to your struggles with toxic positivity, it sends the message that your emotions are inconvenient or unimportant.
2. It Creates Emotional Isolation
You might withdraw from relationships if you feel like you can’t be honest about your struggles. No one wants to open up if they fear being met with dismissiveness instead of understanding.
3. It Discourages Vulnerability
True intimacy comes from sharing both the highs and lows of life. When toxic positivity is present, people feel pressured to hide their struggles, making relationships feel shallow and performative.
4. It Causes Self-Doubt
When someone constantly tells you to “just be happy” or labels you as “too negative,” you may question whether your emotions are justified. This can lead to self-gaslighting—convincing yourself that your feelings don’t matter when they absolutely do.
How to Combat Toxic Positivity
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of toxic positivity, you know how frustrating it can be. Here’s how to handle it and encourage healthier emotional responses in your relationships:
1. Acknowledge and Validate Feelings
Instead of dismissing emotions, practice validating them. Try saying:
- “That sounds really tough. I’m here for you.”
- “It makes sense that you feel that way.”
- “I appreciate you sharing this with me.”
- “I know you’re feeling this way but I want to help ease your mind.”
2. Encourage Honest Conversations
If someone shuts down your emotions with toxic positivity, express how their words make you feel. You can say, “I appreciate your words, but right now, I just need someone to listen.”
3. Be Mindful of Your Own Responses
If you catch yourself offering toxic positivity, pause and reframe your response. Instead of saying, “I’m optimistic, I don’t think like that,” try, “That sounds really painful. How can I support you?”
4. Surround Yourself with Emotionally Supportive People
If you’re constantly met with toxic positivity, it may be time to evaluate your circle. Healthy relationships allow space for all emotions—not just the positive ones.
Final Thoughts
Toxic positivity often comes from a place of good intentions, but it can do more harm than good. True self-care isn’t about ignoring negative emotions but embracing them, processing them, and allowing yourself to heal. By fostering emotionally supportive relationships, we create spaces where we can be our authentic selves, free from judgment or suppression.
Your feelings are valid. Your experiences matter. And you deserve relationships that honor the full spectrum of who you are.
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